Shacking Up is for Suckers!
Today so many people are shacking up together without any commitment and it usually doesn’t end with a happily ever after. People are quick to have a sexual relationship. Then if the sex is good enough, they decide to date. Then after a few weeks or maybe months, they decide to become girlfriend and boyfriend. But, then it seems like in 24 hours of deciding they are a couple they start shacking up together and not discussing the future at all. It just does not make any sense to me.
Last night, I was watching this show called “Buy Me” on HGTV. The episode was about this guy and his new girlfriend. They were shacking up and his one bedroom condo was not big enough, so they put it on the market and put down a legal contract on a little cottage out in the country. During the coarse of getting the condo ready and showing it, the girlfriend got cold feet and broke up with the guy. Well, his condo was not selling and he was still legally bound to buy the cottage. Long story short, he had to borrow more money and ended up with 2 mortgages. SUCKER!
The reason why they broke up was because they rushed into this whole living together thing and they were not on the same track of life. He was ready to move out to the country, get married, start a family and all that and she was only ready to keep focusing on her career and keep on shacking up. She said she just was not ready for marriage. On one hand I commend her for not doing something she was not ready for but on the other don’t you think that should have talked about all this before living together and jumping into legal contracts.
To me, this is the lesson we all should learn from them. Before you go rushing into legally binding contracts and rushing to shack up, maybe you should discuss what you both see in the immediate future and long term.
As you can tell I am not for people just living together. However, let me clarify just a little bit. Now, I do not think it is bad if you are engaged and have a date set and you are going to get married. Sometimes due to apartment leases, family things, schedules ect, it just makes more sense go ahead and live together before you are actually married. Let me take that just a little bit further just because you are engaged still does not make it OK with me. I feel that a wedding should be in the near future.
Now, before anyone gets mad at me, this is just how I feel. I do not look down on anyone that just lives together or has just an engagement with no wedding date in sight, to each their own, what ever makes you happy.
Bottom line, I think that if society as a whole started to take things a little slower and thought more about marriage and less of sex and shacking up then maybe there would not be so many children without daddies or mommies. But that is another blog for another day.
Thank you for letting ramble on………………what are your views?
Last night, I was watching this show called “Buy Me” on HGTV. The episode was about this guy and his new girlfriend. They were shacking up and his one bedroom condo was not big enough, so they put it on the market and put down a legal contract on a little cottage out in the country. During the coarse of getting the condo ready and showing it, the girlfriend got cold feet and broke up with the guy. Well, his condo was not selling and he was still legally bound to buy the cottage. Long story short, he had to borrow more money and ended up with 2 mortgages. SUCKER!
The reason why they broke up was because they rushed into this whole living together thing and they were not on the same track of life. He was ready to move out to the country, get married, start a family and all that and she was only ready to keep focusing on her career and keep on shacking up. She said she just was not ready for marriage. On one hand I commend her for not doing something she was not ready for but on the other don’t you think that should have talked about all this before living together and jumping into legal contracts.
To me, this is the lesson we all should learn from them. Before you go rushing into legally binding contracts and rushing to shack up, maybe you should discuss what you both see in the immediate future and long term.
As you can tell I am not for people just living together. However, let me clarify just a little bit. Now, I do not think it is bad if you are engaged and have a date set and you are going to get married. Sometimes due to apartment leases, family things, schedules ect, it just makes more sense go ahead and live together before you are actually married. Let me take that just a little bit further just because you are engaged still does not make it OK with me. I feel that a wedding should be in the near future.
Now, before anyone gets mad at me, this is just how I feel. I do not look down on anyone that just lives together or has just an engagement with no wedding date in sight, to each their own, what ever makes you happy.
Bottom line, I think that if society as a whole started to take things a little slower and thought more about marriage and less of sex and shacking up then maybe there would not be so many children without daddies or mommies. But that is another blog for another day.
Thank you for letting ramble on………………what are your views?
posted by Marie @ 7:06 PM
7 Comments:
At 8:33 AM ,
Anonymous said...
My husband and I lived together for 4 YEARS before we got married. Well technically it was 2 yrs, because we were engaged for 1 out of those 4 years and we "took a break" for another year. So all in all we lived together for 2 years before we were legally married.
Alot of my friends lived or are still living together before marriage. There are positives and negatives to it obviously. I have a friend in particular (that we all know and love, sometimes) that has been engaged for going on 5 years now? They recently bought a house and were on the road to marraige. That was over a year ago. They're still living together and are not married. I heard someone say that the guy in the relationship was heard saying "I'm as married as I'm ever going to get". I'm so torn on whether to tell the girl about this conversation. My husband says stay out of it. It's none of my business. But as a friend of the girl, I feel I should. She should know that her MR. doesn't want to get married, shouldn't she?
I wonder if she reads this blog?
At 8:49 AM ,
SunnyMcBunny said...
i agree that shacking is for the birds. it shows a lack of committment. too many people have the view that they need to see if they can live together first before they get married, to see if they are compatable. i think that is a sorry excuse and just shows how noncommitted they are to their loved one. because if it doesn't work out living togther then they just give up on each other.
At 4:15 PM ,
Krit said...
It is a difficult topic for sure. Honestly the issue isn't so much about living together as it is respecting each other and holding similar values. The "most married" people out there can still find themselves in bad situations.
Some people are just not good people to invest yourself in and therefore you should cut your loses and move on before prolonging a doomed relationship by sharing bills and space with them. Marrying them isn't going to make it better unless both agree that the values of marriage are important to them and they want to work together to ensure the other's happiness.
It also seems like having God in the picture is a good idea. Some couples don't and seem happy but most couples are do- are even happier (from what I've seen). Not that any of us are perfect.
I just think God makes clear his views on it all and it isn't about following this rule or that (live together, premarital sex, whatever). It is more about the big picture, intent, and love- real love for each other and Him. If you have that the rest will be followed according to his will because it will be clear to you that he does a better job of knowing what is best for us than us. If he's the priority everything will fall into place and you won't find yourself in tough situations society often creates.
At 10:39 AM ,
Krit said...
Wow, was that a serious comment from McBunny? I didn't see that coming.
At 5:04 PM ,
Marie said...
friend - I am glad that you and your husband beat the odds. That is great, not only for you two but for your children. I just know that you will be married forever.
As far as our other friend, well, maybe instead of going to her with your concern maybe you should confront him. And if that is how he really feels then tell him to tell her or you will. She has a right to know where their relationship is going or not going.
I think that the biggest problem with couples today is that they do not comunicate with each other. They have no problem, halfing the rent or buying a house but they never want to discuss the future. Like are we going to make this legal and right in the eyes of God, how many children if any do we want. It seems like to many people are just waiting for things just to work out. But if you never discuss these things nothing will ever change.
I don't know, like I said before, to each their own. If it makes you happy and that is the way you want things to be, then so be it.
I just want everyone to be married because being married is such a wonderful thing! It was the best thing I ever did.
At 9:16 AM ,
Anonymous said...
I have thought about confronting him. I've known him alot longer than I've known her, but he's my husbands best friend and I feel like my hubby would think I've crossed the line. They've been friends for almost 25 years. I've known him for about 10 years.
I think that she will be offended if I bring it up to her. You and Krit have known her alot longer than I have. I know she's changed alot since she hooked up with him, so you may not know how she will react.
I guess I should just stay out of it. Seems like I answered my own questions. If I'm having second thoughts now, it really is none of my business huh?
At 5:21 PM ,
Marie said...
I think that in some ways it is your business. You are friends with her and with him and no matter which way things go with them you will be effected.
Maybe instead of confronting him, maybe just mention the comment and ask him what he ment by it. If he is serious and he is in fact "as married as he is going to be" then tell him that to be fair to the other people (girlfriend and son) that he needs to let them know. Does she still think that they are working towards marriage?
I don't know...thats a hard one to tackle because no matter what things won't be pretty.
Good Luck!
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